“Why don’t they just take my advice?
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this from well-meaning leaders, I’d be writing this from my private island in Maldives.
The Paradox of Advice
Remember the last time someone told you exactly what you should do? You nod politely, but inside, you’re thinking, “That’s easy for you to say!”
But what we don’t realize – even when our advice is spot-on, it often falls on deaf ears. Why?
Because humans are stubborn creatures who resist being told what to do — even when the advice is good.
The Power of Curiosity
Coaching, on the other hand, doesn’t give people answers— it asks the right questions.
It’s guiding them to their own epiphanies, fostering self-discovery that leads to lasting change.
When you disrupt the patterns of thinking that keep people stuck in their stories, you illuminate possibilities for them to rewrite their narrative.
Coaching is a process of inquiry, where the intent isn’t about finding solutions for them (hello consulting!), but to provoke critical thinking
The Neuroscience of Coaching
Research shows that self-generated insights create stronger neural connections than externally provided information. When people arrive at their own insights, the brain releases dopamine – the “reward” chemical – encouraging individuals to focus on turning those insights into concrete actions.
Why Coaching Trumps Telling:
- Ownership: When people find their own solutions, they take ownership. Ownership drives commitment and action.
- Self-awareness: Coaching shines a light on blind spots – those thought patterns that can sabotage taking action towards our goals.
- Empowerment: Instead of creating dependency, coaching builds autonomy. It empowers people to trust themselves, make decisions, and lead with confidence.
Coaching disrupts the patterns of thinking and self-identity that keep people stuck in their stories.
Breaking Patterns through Coaching
A client once came to me overwhelmed, saying, “I feel like I’m battling life with a butter knife.” (Raise your hand if you can relate to that metaphor!)After a few coaching sessions, they realized the “butter knife” was their mindset, dulled by self-doubt. By challenging their thought patterns, they sharpened their focus and took bold, strategic actions that transformed their career trajectory.
The Magic of Powerful Questions
The power of coaching lies in the questions we ask, such as:
- What’s a possibility you haven’t considered yet?
- What does success look like for you in this situation?
- If you weren’t afraid of failing, what would you do differently?
These breakthroughs don’t come from being told what to do. They come from skilled questions lighting up blind spots and challenging assumptions.
Your Coaching Challenge
If you’re a leader, manager, or entrepreneur, here’s your challenge:
- The next time you’re tempted to tell someone what to do, pause.
- Instead, ask them a question that helps them uncover their own insights.
Try this: “What’s one small step you can take today to move the needle forward?”
If you’re curious about how coaching can transform your thinking or your team’s performance, let’s connect. After all, the most profound breakthroughs often start with a simple question.
