Have you ever walked into a room and felt the unspoken pressure to dim your light?
Perhaps it was the slight interruption when you spoke in meetings. The ideas attributed to someone else moments after you shared them. The surprised reactions when you demonstrated expertise. The assumptions made about your capabilities based on how you speak, look, or where you’re from. The subtle interruptions, the doubting glances, the weight of needing to prove yourself—again and again.
You’re not imagining it. And you’re certainly not alone.
The expectation to shrink – to take up less space, to soften your voice, to downplay your brilliance—is a real phenomenon—especially for women, people of color, neurodivergent individuals, and those who lead differently. The struggle is real, persistent, and deeply exhausting for those enduring it.
The Invisible Cost of Shrinking
When you’re constantly managing how you’re perceived, the personal toll of diminishing yourself can be substantial:
- Emotional fatigue from the constant code-switching and self-monitoring
- Imposter syndrome that persists despite objective evidence of competence
- Disconnection from your authentic leadership style and natural strengths
- Stress-related health impacts from chronic adaptation pressure
- Career stagnation when your unique perspectives remain unseen
Beyond the individual impact, there’s an organizational cost too. Companies lose access to diverse thinking, innovative solutions, and the full potential of their talent. Studies consistently show that diverse teams outperform homogeneous ones—but only when every voice can be heard
The Problem with Traditional “Find Your Voice” Advice
“Speak up. Lean in. Be more confident.”
Well-meaning? Sure. But these strategies often ignore systemic barriers—and place the responsibility solely on you to adapt. Let’s take a different approach—one that acknowledges systemic barriers while empowering you with practical strategies to lead authentically without burning out
A Framework to Reclaim Your Voice—And Lead Powerfully
1. Recognize and Name the Dynamics
The first step toward reclaiming your voice is developing awareness of exactly what you’re experiencing. When you can clearly name what’s happening, you begin to reclaim power.
Try This: Pattern Recognition
For two weeks, note any moment you felt the need to shrink. Capture:
- The situation and who was present
- What was said or implied
- How you felt and responded
Look for patterns: Are there particular settings, people, or topics where this happens most? What are your typical responses? This data becomes powerful when you can name precisely what’s occurring.
2. Redefine “Professional Presence” On Your Terms
The traditional model of professional presence often rewards conformity based on dominant culture norms. Instead of adapting yourself to fit this model, consciously design your own authentic leadership presence.
Try This: Leadership Presence Inventory
Create three columns:
- Conventional expectations for someone in your role
- Your natural strengths, values, and authentic expression
- Your intentional leadership presence (combining what aligns from column 1 with your authentic elements from column 2)
You don’t need to reject conventional norms but consciously choose which to adopt and which to reimagine. This is how you lead with purpose—and still get results.
3. Build Your Circle of Amplification
One voice speaking up can face headwinds. A community amplifying each other can create a current too strong to ignore.
Try This: Strategic Allyship
Connect with 3-5 colleagues who share your commitment to inclusive environments. Make specific agreements about how you’ll support each other in meetings and professional settings:
- Echo important points made by others (“As Jamie mentioned earlier…”)
- Redirect credit appropriately (“Actually, that was Priya’s idea…”)
- Create entry points (“I’d like to hear Paula’s perspective on this”)
This way, you’re not solely supporting other underrepresented voices, rather you are creating reciprocal relationships that co-elevate everyone.
4. Master Strategic Disruption
You don’t have to tolerate harmful dynamics. But not every situation calls for a mic drop. The key is being strategic rather than reactive.
Try This: Pause and Pivot
When faced with situations where you’re expected to shrink:
- Pause: Take a breath, creating space between stimulus and response
- Name the pattern (when appropriate): “Interesting that my suggestion received pushback until Mark repeated it”
- Pivot the conversation: “Let’s revisit the original point and explore it further”
Not every situation calls for direct confrontation. Develop a range of responses from subtle redirections to clear boundary-setting.
5. Anchor in Resilient Authenticity
Leading authentically in challenging spaces requires resilience—the ability to stay grounded in your values even when external validation is missing.
Try This: Evidence Banking
Create a digital or physical space where you keep a running log of :
- Positive feedback you’ve received from others
- Wins (big or small) of the impact you made
- Challenges that you’ve overcome
- Growth you’ve experienced
Review this regularly, especially before high-stakes situations where you anticipate pressure to shrink.
6. Transform Systems, Not Just Yourself
While individual strategies matter, lasting change requires addressing systemic issues. As you gain influence, use it to reshape the environments around you.
Try This: Influence Mapping
Identify where you have formal and informal influence internally. For each sphere of influence, identify one concrete change you can implement or advocate for:
- Meeting structures that ensure equitable participation
- Mentorship programs that support underrepresented talent
- Decision-making processes that incorporate multiple perspectives
When you feel stuck, ask yourself – What’s one small, inclusive change I can drive here?
Your Difference Is Your Leadership Edge
Here’s the transformative truth that’s rarely discussed: The very qualities that make you feel like an outsider are often the very source of your brilliance. The very qualities that make you feel like you need to shrink—your different perspective, your unique background, your alternative approach to problem-solving—are precisely what make your leadership valuable.
The goal isn’t to overcome these differences but to recognize them as your greatest strengths.
When you lead from this place of authentic power—not by conforming to expectations but by confidently bringing your whole self to your work—you not only advance your own career but create space for others to do the same.
From Survival to Strategic Influence
Many high achievers from underrepresented backgrounds begin their careers in survival mode, adapting to environments that don’t take them into consideration. Authentic leadership involves a crucial shift—from reactive adaptation to strategic influence.
The shift happens when you:
- Claim your voice, even when it shakes underneath
- Selectively challenge outdated norms with intention
- Build coalitions around shared values, not demographics
- Model the authentic leadership you wish to see normalized
This is how we change the face—and heart—of leadership.
Ready to Lead Authentically?
Reclaiming your voice is not a destination but an ongoing practice. Start with awareness, experiment with the strategies that resonate most, and be patient with yourself through the process.
Start by reflecting:
- When do I feel most pressured to shrink?
- What part of my voice have I been quieting?
- Who can help me amplify what matters most?
- What’s one small action I can take this week to lead more boldly?
Want weekly tools and insights like this delivered to your inbox? Join my newsletter and receive actionable strategies to navigate complexity with clarity, courage, and authenticity.
At Your Purposeful Coach, we help you step into your purpose, lead with impact, and thrive without burning out. Book a free breakthrough call to start your journey.
LET’S EXPLORE HOW COACHING CAN ACTIVATE YOUR NEXT LEVEL
